It’s Time For School, and I’m Not Ready: A Letter To My Oldest

Y’all I’ve been struggling so much with my first born getting older. He’s officially 6 years old today. Which isn’t a huge number, but we’re about to hit a big milestone with him. School. I am so not ready for him to leave me. A few months ago I posted a little story on Instagram about how I was feeling, then quickly deleted it because I was in tears pretty much the whole time. #embarrassing I’ve been having a lot of feelings about it. Which seems so silly to my husband. He has a lot of good points on why I should be excited for this next step in Bentley’s life. He’s going to have a great time learning and making new friends. For me though I only see the possible negatives. That’s our personalities though. He’s super positive, and I prepare for the worst.

To help me get my fears and feeling out, I figured I should share them with my very teeny tiny blog audience. Why not share my feelings with complete strangers right?

I decided to write a little letter to my sweet boy. Here it is.

Dear Bentley,

I can’t believe it’s almost time for you to start school. Three weeks to be exact. I feel like it was just yesterday that it was just you and me. Our mornings were always my favorite. I would bring your breakfast into the living room, and watch you dance around with your waffle as we watched Sesame Street. The Number Of The Day song was your favorite. Your off beat stomping was the best.

During those days, we spent much of our time either having lunch with your dad, napping on the couch together, visiting your best friend James for a play date, or spending money at Target. Target was our jam. We would of course always share a bag of popcorn and a blue icee. Those days are the ones I’ll treasure most. If I could have one wish, it would be to have just one more day like that with you. Because now it’s time for you to take your first step into the world without me.

I know you’ll have so much fun learning and making new friends. I know at first you are going to hate it, because school means change. You’re so much like your Dad in that way. Change is a four letter word to both of you. But I know within time you will love it. Though I am so excited for you, I am also sad. I’m sad because once this adventure starts, I won’t have you all to myself anymore. Which is selfish, but I just love you so much. You know how to bring a smile to my face, and when I need a hug or kiss. You’re the kid that made me a mom, taught me patience, and unconditional love.

Let’s not forget that you’re also an amazing big brother. You’ve been such a big help since your little brother was born, and even more once Sadie made her apperance. I know they’ll both be lost without you for a few months.

I will miss hearing your epic super hero battles during rest time. I know they will happen when you are home, but the fact that it won’t be on a random Wednesday at 11 AM unless your out of school is just heartbreaking to me.

Just know that this next step is hard for both of us sweetie. I love you and will always be there for you. I will do my best to make this transition smooth, and help you strive in school. I’m so proud of the boy you are becoming.

I love you baby. Let’s not forget you thought baby was your name the first year and a half of your life haha.

– Mom

I know this sounds really dramatic, but it’s how I feel. Trust me I would love to be that mom that has a dance party in the car after their kid shuts the door to walk into school. Maybe I will be that mom by the time Sadie starts school. Right now though, I’m an emotional mess. This kid has been by my side for the last six years.

Any words of wisdom for this mom that is struggling with this next step? Are you right their with me? Let me know down below.

Since I decided to publish this on his birthday. Here a little video of my sweet boy over the last 6 years. I’m sure only family and super close friends will watch it since its way to long. Haha

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